“’I hate divorce,’ says the Lord God of Israel.” Malachi 2:16
Who would know better than the architect of marriage that living with another
person day in and day out isn’t always easy? God understands what we’re going
through, even in our worst circumstances. When Paul stated that “those who marry
will face many troubles in this life” (1 Corinthians 7:28), he wasn’t kidding! Fortunately, God has given us a blueprint in
Scripture for success and fulfillment in our marriage relationship. The Lord
designed marriage for our benefit, and He knows that destroying this partnership
is harmful to us in countless ways.
No wonder God hates divorce. He has made it clear that the concept of
separating permanently from one’s marriage partner is not only unacceptable, but
abhorrent. The only exception He has recorded for us is in the case of adultery,
and even in that situation there is room for forgiveness and reconciliation if
we follow Christ’s merciful example.
Our encouragement to you as a husband and wife who seek God’s best is a very
personal one. As Jim and I have sought out and followed the Word of God, we have
found all the stability and fulfillment in our marriage that He has promised!
And you will, too. Marriage is His idea, after all, and His principles and
values naturally produce harmony between people. It’s sinful behaviors that kill
a relationship.
When your time of “many troubles” strikes, Satan will be ready at just the
right moment to suggest the “solution” of divorce. Perhaps you’ve already
arrived at this place in the past. Surely you know and love couples who have
come to this moment, and have chosen to believe Satan’s lie.
My prayer is that you will believe God instead.
- Shirley M Dobson
From Night Light For Couples, by Dr. James
& Shirley Dobson
Copyright © 2000 by James Dobson, Inc. All rights
reserved.
Showing posts with label Divorce. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Divorce. Show all posts
Thursday, June 2, 2016
Wednesday, June 1, 2016
Night Light for Couples - The Second Time Around
“I will forgive their wickedness and will remember their sins no more.” Jeremiah 31:34
Many of you reading these discussions about the consequences of divorce have already taken that fateful step— willingly or not—and then remarried. You may also be facing the unique challenge of raising children from two sets of parents. We assure you that it has not been our intention to heap additional guilt on you. We have a loving God who offers forgiveness to those who truly seek His will. Only He knows the condition of your spiritual “heart” and the circumstances that led to the end of your first marriage. If you have not dealt with those matters before God, we urge you to do so tonight.
Our hope is that you will reaffirm the sanctity of your present marriage and fight to preserve it with all your heart and soul. With the Lord’s help, you can still forge a marriage that lasts a lifetime. We encourage you to learn from the mistakes of your previous relationships, rely wholeheartedly on God’s principles for marriage, and make the firm decision that nothing will tear you away from your mate.
Remember, there are no second‐class members of God’s family. God still wants to give you His best. And as you seek Him together, He will.
Just between us…
Father, forgive our sins and selfish mistakes. We cast all our hopes for our marriage on Your truths, and together we wholeheartedly seek to obey Your will for us. Thank You for Your mercies, which are new every morning. Amen.
From Night Light For Couples, by Dr. James & Shirley Dobson
Copyright © 2000 by James Dobson, Inc. All rights reserved
Many of you reading these discussions about the consequences of divorce have already taken that fateful step— willingly or not—and then remarried. You may also be facing the unique challenge of raising children from two sets of parents. We assure you that it has not been our intention to heap additional guilt on you. We have a loving God who offers forgiveness to those who truly seek His will. Only He knows the condition of your spiritual “heart” and the circumstances that led to the end of your first marriage. If you have not dealt with those matters before God, we urge you to do so tonight.
Our hope is that you will reaffirm the sanctity of your present marriage and fight to preserve it with all your heart and soul. With the Lord’s help, you can still forge a marriage that lasts a lifetime. We encourage you to learn from the mistakes of your previous relationships, rely wholeheartedly on God’s principles for marriage, and make the firm decision that nothing will tear you away from your mate.
Remember, there are no second‐class members of God’s family. God still wants to give you His best. And as you seek Him together, He will.
Just between us…
- What would be (or is) most difficult about a second marriage?
- Is God willing to forgive those who divorce for the wrong reasons?
- What do you think is the most painful part of a divorce? How can we use this information to keep our marriage strong?
Father, forgive our sins and selfish mistakes. We cast all our hopes for our marriage on Your truths, and together we wholeheartedly seek to obey Your will for us. Thank You for Your mercies, which are new every morning. Amen.
From Night Light For Couples, by Dr. James & Shirley Dobson
Copyright © 2000 by James Dobson, Inc. All rights reserved
Tuesday, May 31, 2016
Night Light for Couples - No Fault?
“Anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, and marries
another woman commits adultery.” Matthew 19:9
One reason divorce has become so common today is the advent of “no‐fault” divorce laws, first introduced in California in 1969. Over the following fifteen years, every state in America adopted some form of no‐fault legislation. And to what result? According to the Statistical Abstract of the United States, since these laws began taking effect the number of divorces in this country has increased 279 percent.
In essence, no‐fault divorce has nullified the sacredness of marriage in the eyes of the law, making it an unenforceable contract. A man and woman can abandon their family more easily than they can abrogate almost any other agreement that bears their signature. In terms of the law, it matters not that they’ve made a solemn promise before God, friends, relatives, a member of the clergy, or a licensed representative of the state.
However, no matter how easy the laws make it to get a divorce, it will always remain infinitely difficult to repair the damage.
Just between us…
From Night Light For Couples, by Dr. James & Shirley Dobson
Copyright © 2000 by James Dobson, Inc. All rights reserved.
One reason divorce has become so common today is the advent of “no‐fault” divorce laws, first introduced in California in 1969. Over the following fifteen years, every state in America adopted some form of no‐fault legislation. And to what result? According to the Statistical Abstract of the United States, since these laws began taking effect the number of divorces in this country has increased 279 percent.
In essence, no‐fault divorce has nullified the sacredness of marriage in the eyes of the law, making it an unenforceable contract. A man and woman can abandon their family more easily than they can abrogate almost any other agreement that bears their signature. In terms of the law, it matters not that they’ve made a solemn promise before God, friends, relatives, a member of the clergy, or a licensed representative of the state.
However, no matter how easy the laws make it to get a divorce, it will always remain infinitely difficult to repair the damage.
Just between us…
- What would you say to the couple who insist, “Our divorce is nobody’s fault. We just didn’t get along, so we’re going our separate ways”?
- Do we know anyone who has sought a divorce, only to regret the move?
- Are we committed to staying together, even through tough times?
From Night Light For Couples, by Dr. James & Shirley Dobson
Copyright © 2000 by James Dobson, Inc. All rights reserved.
Monday, May 30, 2016
Night Light for Couples - Hazardous to Your Health
“So guard yourself in your spirit, and do not break faith with the wife of
your youth.” Malachi 2:15
Writer Pat Conroy, after telling his three daughters that he and his wife were divorcing, said he felt like he had “doused my entire family with gasoline and struck a match.” The painful effects resulting from such stress and guilt are not just a temporary problem. Dr. David Larson, a Washington, D.C., psychiatrist and researcher, has observed that all types of cancer strike divorced individuals more frequently than married people. He has also noted that premature death rates are significantly higher among divorced people and that being divorced and a nonsmoker is only slightly less hazardous than staying married and smoking a pack or two a day. In the 1960s, the surgeon general declared cigarettes harmful to the smoker’s health. More recently, researchers have warned us about the dangers of foods high in fat and cholesterol. Perhaps it’s time someone issued a warning about the health risks of marital conflict. Ripping “one flesh” apart is one of the most devastating experiences in life. There must be a better way to deal with conflict.
Just between us…
ot an option” for our future. Amen.
From Night Light For Couples, by Dr. James & Shirley Dobson
Copyright © 2000 by James Dobson, Inc. All rights reserved.
Divorce research material from Home with a Heart by Dr. James Dobson (Carol Stream, Ill.: Tyndale House Publishers, 1996).
Writer Pat Conroy, after telling his three daughters that he and his wife were divorcing, said he felt like he had “doused my entire family with gasoline and struck a match.” The painful effects resulting from such stress and guilt are not just a temporary problem. Dr. David Larson, a Washington, D.C., psychiatrist and researcher, has observed that all types of cancer strike divorced individuals more frequently than married people. He has also noted that premature death rates are significantly higher among divorced people and that being divorced and a nonsmoker is only slightly less hazardous than staying married and smoking a pack or two a day. In the 1960s, the surgeon general declared cigarettes harmful to the smoker’s health. More recently, researchers have warned us about the dangers of foods high in fat and cholesterol. Perhaps it’s time someone issued a warning about the health risks of marital conflict. Ripping “one flesh” apart is one of the most devastating experiences in life. There must be a better way to deal with conflict.
Just between us…
- Is the state of our marriage affecting our health?
- How is divorce hazardous to a person’s spiritual life? (See Malachi 2:13–16.)
- What can we do this week to promote our physical and emotional health?
ot an option” for our future. Amen.
From Night Light For Couples, by Dr. James & Shirley Dobson
Copyright © 2000 by James Dobson, Inc. All rights reserved.
Divorce research material from Home with a Heart by Dr. James Dobson (Carol Stream, Ill.: Tyndale House Publishers, 1996).
Sunday, May 29, 2016
Night Light for Couples - Divorce and Kids
“And a husband must not divorce his wife.” 1 Corinthians 7:11
The daughter in Sunday’s the “Dear Daddy” story described the trauma of her father’s deserting their family as like being in a car wreck. That is the impact divorce typically has on children. It is devastating! For more than twenty‐five years, California psychologist Judith Wallerstein has tracked hundreds of children of divorce from childhood to adulthood. She’s found that the distress young children experience after a divorce remains with them throughout their lives, making it more difficult for them to cope with challenges. “Unlike the adult experience,” Wallerstein says, “the child’s suffering does not reach its peak at the breakup and then level off. The effect of the parents’ divorce is played and replayed throughout the first three decades of the children’s lives.” Harvard University psychiatrist Armand Nicholi says that the pain of divorce is worse for children five years later than at the time the family disintegrates. He also links interruption of parent‐child relationships with an escalation in psychiatric problems for children.
The next time the idea of divorce enters your thoughts, consider the consequences of such an act on the most vulnerable members of your family. Research shows that time doesn’t heal those wounds.
Just between us…
From Night Light For Couples, by Dr. James & Shirley Dobson
Copyright © 2000 by James Dobson, Inc. All rights reserved.
Material on divorce from “Children of Divorce Heal Slowly, Study Finds; Scholar’s Latest Evidence in Influential Series” by Barbara Vobejda (Washington Post, 3 June 1997), and presentation given by Dr. Armand Nicholi at the White House Conference on the State of the American Family, 3 May 1983. Available in the Congressional Record, Extension of Remarks, 3 May 1983.
The daughter in Sunday’s the “Dear Daddy” story described the trauma of her father’s deserting their family as like being in a car wreck. That is the impact divorce typically has on children. It is devastating! For more than twenty‐five years, California psychologist Judith Wallerstein has tracked hundreds of children of divorce from childhood to adulthood. She’s found that the distress young children experience after a divorce remains with them throughout their lives, making it more difficult for them to cope with challenges. “Unlike the adult experience,” Wallerstein says, “the child’s suffering does not reach its peak at the breakup and then level off. The effect of the parents’ divorce is played and replayed throughout the first three decades of the children’s lives.” Harvard University psychiatrist Armand Nicholi says that the pain of divorce is worse for children five years later than at the time the family disintegrates. He also links interruption of parent‐child relationships with an escalation in psychiatric problems for children.
The next time the idea of divorce enters your thoughts, consider the consequences of such an act on the most vulnerable members of your family. Research shows that time doesn’t heal those wounds.
Just between us…
- Do you agree with the statements of these mental health professionals?
- If your parents divorced, what was your experience during and after the breakup?
- What would happen to our kids (or future children) if we divorced?
From Night Light For Couples, by Dr. James & Shirley Dobson
Copyright © 2000 by James Dobson, Inc. All rights reserved.
Material on divorce from “Children of Divorce Heal Slowly, Study Finds; Scholar’s Latest Evidence in Influential Series” by Barbara Vobejda (Washington Post, 3 June 1997), and presentation given by Dr. Armand Nicholi at the White House Conference on the State of the American Family, 3 May 1983. Available in the Congressional Record, Extension of Remarks, 3 May 1983.
Saturday, May 28, 2016
Taking the Plunge
“A wife must not separate from her husband. But if she does, she must remain
unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband.” 1 Corinthians 7:10–11
Divorce often looks like a “quick fix” for an unpleasant situation, but it is usually far more painful than advertised. Contemplating those on the verge of taking this drastic step brings to mind a documentary film made during the early days of motion pictures. It shows a self‐styled inventor near the top of the Eiffel Tower with a pair of homemade wings strapped to his arms. He paces back and forth, trying to work up the courage to jump. If the wings work, he’ll be famous. If they fail, he’ll fall to his death. Finally the “flier” climbs on the rail, wobbles for a moment, then jumps—and drops like a rock.
Depressed and hurting spouses who choose divorce are like that hapless man on the Eiffel Tower. They feel that they can’t go back, and they’re enticed forward by the lure of freedom—of soaring away, leaving the pain and disappointment behind. So they jump… only to find themselves tumbling headlong into custody battles, loneliness, bitterness, and even poverty. In time, the long‐term cost of their decision becomes clear. Some again see their mate’s good qualities, but by then it’s too late. They’ve already taken the plunge.
Just between us…
From Night Light For Couples, by Dr. James & Shirley Dobson
Copyright © 2000 by James Dobson, Inc. All rights reserved.
Divorce often looks like a “quick fix” for an unpleasant situation, but it is usually far more painful than advertised. Contemplating those on the verge of taking this drastic step brings to mind a documentary film made during the early days of motion pictures. It shows a self‐styled inventor near the top of the Eiffel Tower with a pair of homemade wings strapped to his arms. He paces back and forth, trying to work up the courage to jump. If the wings work, he’ll be famous. If they fail, he’ll fall to his death. Finally the “flier” climbs on the rail, wobbles for a moment, then jumps—and drops like a rock.
Depressed and hurting spouses who choose divorce are like that hapless man on the Eiffel Tower. They feel that they can’t go back, and they’re enticed forward by the lure of freedom—of soaring away, leaving the pain and disappointment behind. So they jump… only to find themselves tumbling headlong into custody battles, loneliness, bitterness, and even poverty. In time, the long‐term cost of their decision becomes clear. Some again see their mate’s good qualities, but by then it’s too late. They’ve already taken the plunge.
Just between us…
- When have you jumped into a situation that you later regretted?
- Has Scripture ever helped you avoid such a mistake? When?
- What is the attraction, and danger, of “quick fix” solutions in marriage?
- Why do you think God commands us to avoid divorce?
From Night Light For Couples, by Dr. James & Shirley Dobson
Copyright © 2000 by James Dobson, Inc. All rights reserved.
Friday, May 27, 2016
Dear Daddy
by Gary Smalley and John Trent
Largely unused in marriages, homes, friendships, and businesses is a tool called emotional word pictures that can supercharge communication and change lives. This concept is as old as ancient kings but so timeless that it has been used throughout the ages in every society. It has the capacity to capture people’s attention by simultaneously engaging their thoughts and feelings. Along with its ability to move us to deeper levels of intimacy, it has the staying power to make a lasting impression.
When faced with the breakup of her parents’ marriage, a hurting teenager named Kimberly used the following word picture in this letter to her father:
Dear Daddy, It’s late at night, and I’m sitting in the middle of my bed writing to you. I’ve wanted to talk with you so many times during the past few weeks. But there never seems to be any time when we’re alone.
Dad, I realize you’re dating someone else. And I know you and Mom may never get back together. That’s terribly hard to accept—especially knowing that you may never come back home or be an “everyday” dad to me and Brian again. But I want you at least to understand what’s going on in our lives.
Don’t think that Mom asked me to write this. She didn’t. She doesn’t know I’m writing, and neither does Brian. I just want to share with you what I’ve been thinking.
Dad, I feel like our family has been riding in a nice car for a long time. You know, the kind you always like to have as a company car. It’s the kind that has every extra inside and not a scratch on the outside.
But over the years, the car has developed some problems. It’s smoking a lot, the wheels wobble, and the seat covers are ripped. The car’s been really hard to drive or ride in because of all the shaking and squeaking. But it’s still a great automobile—or at least it could be. With a little work, I know it could run for years.
Since we got the car, Brian and I have been in the backseat while you and Mom have been up front. We feel really secure with you driving and Mom beside you. But last month, Mom was at the wheel.
It was nighttime, and we had just turned the corner near our house. Suddenly, we all looked up and saw another car, out of control, heading straight for us. Mom tried to swerve out of the way, but the other car smashed into us. The impact sent us flying off the road and crashing into a lamppost.
The thing is, Dad, just before we were hit, we could see that you were driving the other car. And we saw something else: Sitting next to you was another woman.
It was such a terrible accident that we were all rushed to the emergency ward. But when we asked where you were, no one knew. We’re still not really sure where you are or if you were hurt or if you need help.
Mom was really hurt. She was thrown into the steering wheel and broke several ribs. One of them punctured her lungs and almost pierced her heart.
When the car wrecked, the back door smashed into Brian. He was covered with cuts from the broken glass, and he shattered his arm, which is now in a cast. But that’s not the worst. He’s still in so much pain and shock that he doesn’t want to talk or play with anyone.
As for me, I was thrown from the car. I was stuck out in the cold for a long time with my right leg broken. As I lay there, I couldn’t move and didn’t know what was wrong with Mom and Brian. I was hurting so much myself that I couldn’t help them.
There have been times since that night when I wondered if any of us would make it. Even though we’re getting a little better, we’re all still in the hospital. The doctors say I’ll need a lot of therapy on my leg, and I know they can help me get better. But I wish it were you who was helping me, instead of them.
The pain is so bad, but what’s even worse is that we all miss you so much. Every day we wait to see if you’re going to visit us in the hospital, and every day you don’t come. I know it’s over. But my heart would explode with joy if somehow I could look up and see you walk into my room.
At night when the hospital is really quiet, they push Brian and me into Mom’s room, and we all talk about you. We talk about how much we loved driving with you and how we wish you were with us now.
Are you all right? Are you hurting from the wreck? Do you need us like we need you? If you need me, I’m here and I love you.
Your daughter, Kimberly
LOOKING AHEAD …
More than two months before writing this letter, Kimberly had watched her father, Steve, walk out of his family’s life with plans to divorce his wife and pursue a relationship with another woman. The heartache that Kimberly, her mother, and her brother felt was indescribable. But the anguish also extended to Steve. Only a few weeks after leaving, he began to second‐guess his decision.
That’s the impact of divorce. It appears to be a solution when in fact it brings only pain and new difficulties. A few days after receiving Kimberly’s letter, Steve appeared on his family’s doorstep and asked to come back. He realized that divorce wasn’t the answer to his family’s problems. Would you ever consider it an answer to yours? Has your marriage ever been on the brink of breaking up? This week, we’re going to take a candid look at the divorce “solution.”
- James C Dobson
From Night Light For Couples, by Dr. James & Shirley Dobson
Copyright © 2000 by James Dobson, Inc. All rights reserved.
“Dear Daddy” by Gary Smalley and John Trent. Taken from The Language of Love by Gary Smalley and John Trent, Ph.D., a Focus on the Family book published by Tyndale House. © 1988, 1991 by Gary Smalley and John Trent, Ph.D. All rights reserved. International copyright secured. Used by permission.
Largely unused in marriages, homes, friendships, and businesses is a tool called emotional word pictures that can supercharge communication and change lives. This concept is as old as ancient kings but so timeless that it has been used throughout the ages in every society. It has the capacity to capture people’s attention by simultaneously engaging their thoughts and feelings. Along with its ability to move us to deeper levels of intimacy, it has the staying power to make a lasting impression.
When faced with the breakup of her parents’ marriage, a hurting teenager named Kimberly used the following word picture in this letter to her father:
Dear Daddy, It’s late at night, and I’m sitting in the middle of my bed writing to you. I’ve wanted to talk with you so many times during the past few weeks. But there never seems to be any time when we’re alone.
Dad, I realize you’re dating someone else. And I know you and Mom may never get back together. That’s terribly hard to accept—especially knowing that you may never come back home or be an “everyday” dad to me and Brian again. But I want you at least to understand what’s going on in our lives.
Don’t think that Mom asked me to write this. She didn’t. She doesn’t know I’m writing, and neither does Brian. I just want to share with you what I’ve been thinking.
Dad, I feel like our family has been riding in a nice car for a long time. You know, the kind you always like to have as a company car. It’s the kind that has every extra inside and not a scratch on the outside.
But over the years, the car has developed some problems. It’s smoking a lot, the wheels wobble, and the seat covers are ripped. The car’s been really hard to drive or ride in because of all the shaking and squeaking. But it’s still a great automobile—or at least it could be. With a little work, I know it could run for years.
Since we got the car, Brian and I have been in the backseat while you and Mom have been up front. We feel really secure with you driving and Mom beside you. But last month, Mom was at the wheel.
It was nighttime, and we had just turned the corner near our house. Suddenly, we all looked up and saw another car, out of control, heading straight for us. Mom tried to swerve out of the way, but the other car smashed into us. The impact sent us flying off the road and crashing into a lamppost.
The thing is, Dad, just before we were hit, we could see that you were driving the other car. And we saw something else: Sitting next to you was another woman.
It was such a terrible accident that we were all rushed to the emergency ward. But when we asked where you were, no one knew. We’re still not really sure where you are or if you were hurt or if you need help.
Mom was really hurt. She was thrown into the steering wheel and broke several ribs. One of them punctured her lungs and almost pierced her heart.
When the car wrecked, the back door smashed into Brian. He was covered with cuts from the broken glass, and he shattered his arm, which is now in a cast. But that’s not the worst. He’s still in so much pain and shock that he doesn’t want to talk or play with anyone.
As for me, I was thrown from the car. I was stuck out in the cold for a long time with my right leg broken. As I lay there, I couldn’t move and didn’t know what was wrong with Mom and Brian. I was hurting so much myself that I couldn’t help them.
There have been times since that night when I wondered if any of us would make it. Even though we’re getting a little better, we’re all still in the hospital. The doctors say I’ll need a lot of therapy on my leg, and I know they can help me get better. But I wish it were you who was helping me, instead of them.
The pain is so bad, but what’s even worse is that we all miss you so much. Every day we wait to see if you’re going to visit us in the hospital, and every day you don’t come. I know it’s over. But my heart would explode with joy if somehow I could look up and see you walk into my room.
At night when the hospital is really quiet, they push Brian and me into Mom’s room, and we all talk about you. We talk about how much we loved driving with you and how we wish you were with us now.
Are you all right? Are you hurting from the wreck? Do you need us like we need you? If you need me, I’m here and I love you.
Your daughter, Kimberly
LOOKING AHEAD …
More than two months before writing this letter, Kimberly had watched her father, Steve, walk out of his family’s life with plans to divorce his wife and pursue a relationship with another woman. The heartache that Kimberly, her mother, and her brother felt was indescribable. But the anguish also extended to Steve. Only a few weeks after leaving, he began to second‐guess his decision.
That’s the impact of divorce. It appears to be a solution when in fact it brings only pain and new difficulties. A few days after receiving Kimberly’s letter, Steve appeared on his family’s doorstep and asked to come back. He realized that divorce wasn’t the answer to his family’s problems. Would you ever consider it an answer to yours? Has your marriage ever been on the brink of breaking up? This week, we’re going to take a candid look at the divorce “solution.”
- James C Dobson
From Night Light For Couples, by Dr. James & Shirley Dobson
Copyright © 2000 by James Dobson, Inc. All rights reserved.
“Dear Daddy” by Gary Smalley and John Trent. Taken from The Language of Love by Gary Smalley and John Trent, Ph.D., a Focus on the Family book published by Tyndale House. © 1988, 1991 by Gary Smalley and John Trent, Ph.D. All rights reserved. International copyright secured. Used by permission.
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