Night Light for Couples - That Proverbs 31 Woman…

by Shirley M Dobson

“A woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.” Proverbs 31:30

Are you ever intimidated by the “Proverbs 31 woman”? Sometimes I am. How can we compete? Here’s a woman who brings her husband “good, not harm, all the days of her life”; gets up before the morning light; feeds her family; shows good judgment in her purchases; works “vigorously”; helps the poor; has time to make bed coverings for her household and garments for sale; has enough faith to “laugh at the days to come”; “speaks with wisdom”; has no use for idleness; and earns blessing and praise from her husband and children!

Let’s be honest, we can’t compete… but maybe we don’t have to. I’m not convinced, for example, that the woman described in Proverbs 31 is one literal person. Or, if she is, that she achieved all her accomplishments during the same period of life. Rather, I think that through the writings of Solomon, the Lord has provided us women with specific examples of the behavior to which we should continually aspire—just as all Christians aspire to be like Jesus, even though we’ll never actually reach His level of perfection.

I believe that the key to understanding Proverbs 31 is found in verse 30, the next to last passage in Proverbs: “Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.” According to this verse, a “woman who fears the Lord,”—who seeks His will for her as wife, mother, and follower of Jesus—is the Proverbs 31 woman, no matter how a particular day or season of her life is going.

My encouragement to you as a wife is to seek God and submit to His direction—and add a dash of love in the process. I promise you that you’ll please your Maker, bring honor to your husband and family, and find a personal contentedness that will never be matched.

• From Night Light For Couples, by Dr. James & Shirley Dobson
• Copyright © 2000 by James Dobson, Inc. All rights reserved.

Night Light for Couples - Noble Character

“A wife of noble character is her husband’s crown, but a disgraceful wife is like decay in his bones.” Proverbs 12:4

A girl named Lucy gained something of a reputation for her deceitful nature. Countless times she persuaded a boy named Charlie Brown to try to kick the football she was holding, and each time she snatched it away just before he could boot it.

In the comic strips or in real life, a deceitful woman is best avoided. Solomon described such a wife as “decay in his bones.” The king must have known many a troublesome woman, for he also declared, “Better to live on a corner of the roof than share a house with a quarrelsome wife” (Proverbs 21:9). The Bible lists many other examples of women who showed disgraceful behavior, including Eve and Lot’s wife (disobedient), Michal (critical), Jezebel (unscrupulous and violent), Job’s wife (foolish), Herodias (cruel), and Sapphira (greedy).

Temptation will come to even the most spiritual among us, but the wife who holds fast to her noble character will bring glory to God and blessings to her husband and herself.

Just between us…

• (wife) If you were asked to describe my character, would the word noble come to mind? Why or why not?
• What is noble character, and how can it bring glory to God? (You might consider some examples of noble women in the Bible—Ruth, Abigail, Mary of Bethany, and Mary, the mother of Jesus.)
• How can you and I teach noble character to the next generation?

(wife) Dear Father, help me to receive the teaching of Your Word: It’s noble character—not youth, beauty, charm, or wealth—that will make me a priceless crown to my husband. Help me to be that kind of wife in word and deed. Amen.

• From Night Light For Couples, by Dr. James & Shirley Dobson
• Copyright © 2000 by James Dobson, Inc. All rights reserved.

Night Light for Couples - The Submission Debate

“Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord.” Ephesians 5:22

There’s no quicker way to disrupt a festive gathering of Christian women than to bring up the topic of submission. Before you know it, friends start facing off to launch passionate discourses on all sides of the issue. Either that or they laugh contemptuously. Yet God’s direction on the subject is clear: “The head of every man is Christ, and the head of every woman is man, and the head of Christ is God” (1 Corinthians 11:3).

Each of us submits to a higher authority. Consider the boss at work or the IRS agent at tax time. They are our equals as people, yet we submit to them because they have authority over us when they assume certain roles. A wife submits to her husband in the same manner. You both are equally valued, equally important partners—yet your roles are different. Furthermore, submission cannot be understood or appreciated apart from the other half of the prescription found in Ephesians 5:25, which requires a husband to love his wife as Christ loved the church, to the point of giving up his life for her. There is no room for inconsiderateness, oppression, or domination here!

As a wife, you are asked to submit to the leadership of your husband. As a husband, you are told to sacrificially love and cherish your wife. It is the divine plan for marriage and family.

Just between us…

• How do we define a wife’s duty to submit to her husband?
• (wife) How well do you think I follow God’s direction in this area? How can we help each other with submission as defined by God?

(wife) Father, I admit, submission doesn’t always come easily to me. But I accept Your wonderful plan for our marriage. Today I look for Your abundant blessing as I wholeheartedly support my husband as the head of our marriage. Amen.

• From Night Light For Couples, by Dr. James & Shirley Dobson
• Copyright © 2000 by James Dobson, Inc. All rights reserved.

Night Light for Couples - Believe in Him

“The wife must respect her husband.” Ephesians 5:33

The male ego is surprisingly fragile, especially during times of failure and embarrassment. It’s one of the reasons why a husband desperately needs his wife’s support and respect.

Jane Hill clearly understood this aspect of a wife’s role. Over Jane’s objections, E. V. once invested his family’s scarce resources in the purchase of a service station. Jane opposed the decision because she knew that her husband lacked the time and expertise to oversee his investment. She was right; the station went broke. When E. V. called to say he’d lost the station, Jane could have said, “I told you so” and crushed his spirit. He could have been humiliated in that moment of vulnerability. Instead, she said, “If you smoked and drank, you would have lost as much as you lost in the service station. So it’s six in one hand and a half‐dozen in the other. Let’s forget it.”

A wife can “make” or “break” a man. If she believes in her husband and has confidence in his leadership, he typically gains the confidence he needs to take risks and use his assets wisely. But if she is competitive, critical, and disrespectful of her husband, she becomes a liability to the entire family. Read Ephesians 5:33 again. One of the most important keys to a successful marriage is found in a single word: respect!

Just between us…

• (wife) Do you feel that I believe in you?
• (wife) What do you think is the biggest setback or failure you’ve experienced? Did I show support at that time?
• (wife) How can I better show respect to you?

(wife) Heavenly Father, forgive me for the times I have not shown my husband respect. I want to increase his self-confidence, not diminish it. Please show me how to become that kind of godly wife. Amen.

• From Night Light For Couples, by Dr. James & Shirley Dobson
• Copyright © 2000 by James Dobson, Inc. All rights reserved.

Night Light for Couples - A Suitable Helper

“The Lord God made a woman from the rib he had taken out of the man, and he brought her to the man.” Genesis 2:22

From the beginning, God was clear about a woman’s primary role in this world. Genesis 2:18 reads: “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.” No one took her role as helper more seriously than Jane Hill, late wife of Los Angeles pastor E. V. Hill. She loved him deeply and devoted herself to his needs. E. V. once received a death threat from gang members indicating he would be killed the next day. He woke up the following morning “thankful to be alive,” as he told it later. “But I noticed that [Jane] was gone. I looked out my window, and my car was gone. I went outside and finally saw her driving up, still in her robe. I said, ‘Where have you been?’ She said, ‘I… I… it just occurred to me that they [could have] put a bomb in that car last night, and if you had gotten in there you would have been blown away. So I got up and drove it. It’s all right.’”

A man is fortunate indeed when his wife is his devoted helper— whether she bakes him a cake, soothes his aching muscles, or even puts her life on the line for him. No role demonstrates more beautifully the way Jesus shows His love for each of us.

Just between us…

• (husband) Does the role of “helper” seem insulting to you?
• (husband) Is it easy for you to “serve” me as your husband?
• (husband) Do I notice and respond when you do?
• (wife) Which aspect of my support means the most to you?

(wife) Dear Lord, thank You for creating me to help and serve my husband. I embrace this ministry with all my heart! Grant me Your wisdom, strength, and joy in this calling. Bless him through my every word and deed. Amen.

• From Night Light For Couples, by Dr. James & Shirley Dobson
• Copyright © 2000 by James Dobson, Inc. All rights reserved.

Night Light for Couples - Martha’s Secret Ingredient

by Roy J. Reiman

It bothered Ben every time he walked through the kitchen. It was that little metal container on the shelf above Martha’s cook stove. He probably would not have noticed it so much or been bothered by it if Martha had not repeatedly told him never to touch it. The reason, she said, was that it contained a “secret herb” from her mother, and since she had no way of refilling the container, she was concerned that if Ben or anyone else ever picked it up and looked inside, they might accidentally drop it and spill its valuable contents.

The container wasn’t really much to look at. It was so old that much of its original red and gold floral pattern had faded. You could tell right where it had been gripped again and again when the container was lifted and its tight lid pulled off. Not only Martha’s fingers had gripped it there; her mother’s and her grandmother’s had, too. Martha didn’t know for sure, but she thought that perhaps even her great‐grandmother had used this same container and its “secret herb.”

All Ben knew for certain was that shortly after he had married Martha, her mother had brought the container to Martha and told her to make the same loving use of its contents as she had.

And she did, faithfully. Ben never saw Martha cook a dish without taking the container off the shelf and sprinkling just a little of the secret herb over the ingredients. Even when she baked cakes, pies, and cookies, she added a light sprinkling just before she put the pans in the oven.

Whatever was in that container, it sure worked, for Ben thought that Martha was the best cook in the world. He wasn’t alone in that opinion— anyone who ever ate at their house grandly praised Martha’s cooking.

But why wouldn’t she let Ben touch that little container? Was she really afraid he’d spill its contents? And what did that secret herb look like? It was so fine that whenever Martha sprinkled it over the food she was preparing, Ben couldn’t quite make out its texture. She obviously had to use very little of it because there was no way to refill the container.

Somehow Martha had stretched those contents over thirty years of marriage, and it had never failed to effect mouth‐watering results.

Ben became increasingly tempted to look into that container just once, but he never brought himself to do so.

Then one day Martha became ill. Ben took her to the hospital, where they kept her overnight. When he returned home, he found it extremely lonely in the house. Martha had never been gone overnight before. And when it neared suppertime, he wondered what to do— Martha had so loved to cook that he had never bothered to learn much about preparing food.

When he wandered into the kitchen to see what was in the refrigerator, he immediately saw the container on the shelf. His eyes were drawn to it like a magnet. He quickly looked away, but his curiosity drew him back.

What was in that container? Why wasn’t he to touch it? What did that secret herb look like? How much of it was left?

Ben looked away again and lifted the cover of a large cake pan on the kitchen counter. Ahh… there was more than half of one of Martha’s great cakes left. He cut off a large piece, sat down at the kitchen table, and hadn’t taken more than one bite when his eyes went back to that container again. What would it hurt if he looked inside? Why was Martha so secretive about that container, anyway?

Ben took another bite and debated with himself—should he or shouldn’t he? For five more big bites he thought about it, staring at the container. Finally he could no longer resist.

He walked slowly across the room and ever so carefully took the container off the shelf, fearing that—horror of horrors—he’d spill the contents while sneaking a peek.

He set the container on the counter and carefully pried off the lid. He was almost scared to look inside! When the inside of the container came into full view, Ben’s eyes opened wide. Why, the container was empty—except for a little folded scrap of paper at the bottom.

Ben reached down for the paper, struggling to get his big rugged hand inside. He carefully picked it up by a corner, removed it, and slowly unfolded it under the kitchen light.

A brief note was scrawled inside, and Ben immediately recognized the handwriting as that of Martha’s mother. Very simply it said: “Martha—To everything you make, add a dash of love.”

Ben swallowed hard, replaced the note and the container, and quietly went back to finishing his cake. Now he completely understood why it tasted so good.

Looking ahead…

Even though for the first thirty years of their marriage, Ben couldn’t quite identify his wife’s “secret herb,” he knew it was there—and that it made a wonderful difference in his wife’s cooking. If you’re the wife in the marriage partnership, I suspect that you have added your own secret ingredient to many aspects of your marriage.

We’ll be talking about the role of a wife this week and offering several definitions, but most of it boils down to this: As you help and care for your husband, add a dash of love to everything you do.

- James C Dobson

• From Night Light For Couples, by Dr. James & Shirley Dobson Copyright © 2000 by James Dobson, Inc. All rights reserved.
• “Martha’s Secret Ingredient” by Roy J. Reiman, courtesy of Reminisce magazine. Used by permission.