Her name means: "Date Tree" or "Palm Tree"
Her character: Tamar shared her father's, David's, good
looks. Young and innocent, she was naive to the danger that threatened from her
own family.
Her sorrow: That her half brother saw her only
as an object for his lust, destroying her future as a result, and that her
father, the king, did nothing to protect her.
Key
Scriptures: 2 Samuel 13:1-22
Her Story
David's daughter Tamar was a knockout. No doubt she was destined for a
marriage that would strengthen the king's political alliances. Though not under
lock and key, she probably lived a rather protected life. But all the
precautions in the world couldn't save her from the danger that threatened from
David's inner circle.
Amnon was David's heir. As the king's eldest son, he was used to getting his
way. But lately he'd grown despondent. Something was bothering him, chasing away
his sleep, gnawing at his heart.
One day, Jonadab, Amnon's cousin, asked him: "Why do you, the king's son,
look so haggard morning after morning? Won't you tell me?"
Amnon confided in his friend, saying, "I'm in love with Tamar, my brother
Absalom's sister."
"Go to bed and pretend to be ill," Jonadab shrewdly advised. "When your
father comes to see you, say to him, 'I would like my sister Tamar to come and
give me something to eat. Let her prepare the food in my sight, so I may eat
from her hand.' "
So David, concerned for his son, unwittingly sent his daughter into a trap
that would ruin her life.
After Tamar had prepared a meal for Amnon, he asked her to enter his bedroom
and feed him. But as soon as Tamar did, he grabbed her, begging, "Come to bed
with me, my sister."
"Don't, my brother!" she said to him. "Don't force me. Such a thing should
not be done in Israel! Don't do this wicked thing. What about me? Where could I
get rid of my disgrace? And what about you? You would be like one of the wicked
fools in Israel. Please speak to the king; he will not keep me from being
married to you." But despite her pleas, Amnon forced himself on her.
As soon as the storm of his passion died down, Amnon's infatuation turned to
hatred. He threw Tamar out of his house, bolting the door against her, as though
she, not he, were the guilty one. Desolate, the young girl tore her robes,
throwing ashes on her head and weeping loudly as she wandered the streets. When
her brother Absalom found her, he hushed her, saying, "Be quiet now, my sister,
he is your brother. Don't take this thing to heart." But Absalom himself took it
to heart, hating his half brother Amnon for what he had done.
Though David was furious when he heard the news, he did nothing to punish
Amnon. Did he favor his son over his daughter, thinking her hurt a small matter?
Or had his moral authority been so compromised by his lust for Bathsheba that he
simply could not bring himself to confront his eldest son? Whatever the case,
Absalom did not share his father's hesitation. Instead, he bided his time,
waiting for an opportunity for vengeance. Two years later he murdered Amnon.
First rape, then murder. David's household was devastated not by barbarians
outside the gate but by those inside his own family. After Amnon's death, David
must have been haunted by Nathan's earlier prophecy after David's own adultery
with Bathsheba: "Now, therefore, the sword will never depart from your house….
Out of your own household I am going to bring calamity upon you" (2 Samuel 12:10-11). The father's lust was mirrored by the son's; the father's
violence, by one son's murder of the other.
Tamar, unprotected by her father, betrayed by her own brother, lived in
Absalom's house, a desolate woman, without the possibility of marriage or
children because she was no longer a virgin. Thus a chain of sin wove its way
through David's family, enslaving the innocent along with the guilty.
Her Promise
The horrifying facts of Tamar's experience—not only the rape itself but the
effect it had on her future and her emotional well-being—are not too far from
the experiences of many women today. Statistics reveal a staggering number of
women who have been violated by family members when they were very young. The
effects of those experiences can haunt a woman's existence, influencing her
relationships with her husband, with male and female friends, and with her
children. Help is available to those who seek it, but the ultimate hope and help
can only be found in the love and acceptance God so willingly offers. His
forgiving spirit can help recovery begin. His comforting spirit can bring a
soothing balm to the hurt of the past. His constant presence can bring healing
for the loneliness and detachment many feel.