by Park York
I rise early on this Friday, as I do every day, to prepare coffee and mix a
protein shake. The television news plays quietly in the corner. Flossie, my
wife, is still asleep.
Sometime after eight, she begins floating out of slumber. I bring the shake
to her bedside, put the straw in her mouth, and give her cheek a little pat as
she begins to drink. Slowly the liquid recedes.
I sit there holding the glass, thinking about the past eight years. At first,
she asked only an occasional incoherent or irrelevant question; otherwise she
was normal. I tried for two years to find out what was wrong. She grew agitated,
restless, defensive; she was constantly tired and unable to hold a
conversation.
At last, a neurologist diagnosed Alzheimer’s disease. He said he wasn’t
sure—a firm diagnosis could come only from examining brain tissue after death.
There is no known cause for this malady. And no known cure.
I enrolled Flossie in a day care center for adults. But she kept wandering
off the property. We medicated her to keep her calm. Perhaps from receiving too
much of one drug, she suffered a violent seizure that left her immeasurably
worse: lethargic, incontinent, and unable to speak clearly or care for herself.
My anguish gradually became resignation. I gave up all plans of retirement
travel, recreation, visits to see grandchildren—the golden era older people
dream about.
The years have passed, and my days have become routine, demanding, lonely,
seemingly without accomplishment to measure. Flossie has gradually dropped in
strength and weight, from 125 pounds to 86. I take some time to work with a
support group and to attend church, but the daily needs keep me feeding,
bathing, diapering, changing beds, cleaning house, fixing meals, dressing and
undressing her, and doing whatever else a nurse and homemaker does, morning to
night.
Occasionally, a word bubbles up from the muddled processes of Flossie’s
diseased brain. Sometimes relevant, sometimes the name of a family member, or
the name of an object. Just a single word.
On this Friday morning, after she finishes her shake, I give her some apple
juice, then massage her arms and caress her forehead and cheeks. Most of the
time her eyes are closed, but today she looks up at me, and suddenly her mouth
forms four words in a row.
“Do you want me?” Perfect enunciation, softly spoken. I want to jump for joy.
“Of course I want you, Flossie!” I say, hugging and kissing her. And so, after
months of total silence, she has put together the most sincere question a human
being can ask. She speaks, in a way, for people everywhere: those shackled by
sin, addiction, hunger, thirst, mental illness, physical pain—frightened,
enervated people afraid of the answer, but desperate enough to frame the
question anyway.
And, Flossie, I can answer you even more specifically. It may be difficult
for you to understand what’s happening. That’s why I’m here, to minister God’s
love to you, to bring you wholeness, comfort, and release. Mine are the hands
God uses to do His work, just as He uses others’ hands in other places. In spite
of our shortcomings, we strive to make people free, well, and happy, blessing
them with hope for the future while bringing protein shakes every morning.
Looking ahead…
Unlike so many people today, this gentleman who so gently cared for his wife
clearly understood the meaning of commitment. As her mind and body deteriorated
with no hope for a cure, he willingly abandoned the hopes and dreams he had
worked to achieve. She needed him desperately, and he would be there for her,
even though she could give nothing back—not even a rational “thank you.” This,
in all its magnificence— and sorrow—is the meaning of love.
No doubt you have dreams of your own for the rest of your married life. Just
remember that God may have other plans that depend on your unswerving commitment
to each other—no matter what.
- James C Dobson
From Night Light For Couples, by Dr. James
& Shirley Dobson
Copyright © 2000 by James Dobson, Inc. All rights
reserved.
“Do You Want Me?” by Park York. Taken from the June 1989 issue of the
Christian Herald. Reprinted by permission of the Christian Herald.
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