by Daphna Renan
Michael and I hardly noticed when the waitress came and placed the plates on
our table. We were seated in a small deli tucked away from the bustle of Third
Street in New York City. Even the smell of our recently arrived blintzes was no
challenge to our excited chatter. In fact, the blintzes remained slumped in
their sour cream for quite some time. We were enjoying ourselves too much to
eat.
Our exchange was lively, if not profound. We laughed about the movie that we
had seen the night before and disagreed about the meaning behind the text we had
just finished for our literature seminar. He told me about the moment he had
taken a drastic step into maturity by becoming Michael and refusing to respond
to “Mikey.” Had he been twelve or fourteen? He couldn’t remember, but he did
recall that his mother had cried and said he was growing up too quickly. As we
finally bit into our blueberry blintzes, I told him about the blueberries that
my sister and I used to pick when we went to visit our cousins in the country. I
recalled that I always finished mine before we got back to the house, and my
aunt would warn me that I was going to get a bad stomachache. Of course, I never
did.
As our sweet conversation continued, my eyes glanced across the restaurant,
stopping at the small corner booth where an elderly couple sat. The woman’s
floral‐print dress seemed as faded as the cushion on which she had rested her
worn handbag. The top of the man’s head was as shiny as the soft‐boiled egg he
slowly nibbled. She also ate her oatmeal at a slow, almost tedious pace.
But what drew my thoughts to them was their undisturbed silence. It seemed to
me that a melancholy emptiness permeated their little corner. As the exchange
between Michael and me fluctuated from laughs to whispers, confessions to
assessments, this couple’s poignant stillness called to me. How sad, I thought,
not to have anything left to say. Wasn’t there any page that they hadn’t yet
turned in each other’s stories? What if that happened to us?
Michael and I paid our small tab and got up to leave the restaurant. As we
walked by the corner where the old couple sat, I accidentally dropped my wallet.
Bending over to pick it up, I noticed that under the table, each of their free
hands was gently cradled in the other’s. They had been holding hands all this
time!
I stood up feeling humbled by the simple yet profound act of connection I had
just been privileged to witness. This man’s gentle caress of his wife’s tired
fingers filled not only what I had previously perceived as an emotionally empty
corner, but also my heart. Theirs was not the uncomfortable silence that
threatens to fill the space after the punch line or at the end of an anecdote on
a first date. No, theirs was a comfortable, relaxed ease, a gentle love that did
not always need words to express itself. They had probably shared this hour of
the morning with each other for a long time, and maybe today wasn’t that
different from yesterday, but they were at peace with that—and with each
other.
Maybe, I thought as Michael and I walked out, it wouldn’t be so bad if
someday that was us. Maybe it would be kind of nice.
Looking ahead…
When husband and wife have achieved true intimacy, like the elderly couple
holding hands in tonight’s story, they can enjoy and appreciate each other at
the deepest level. That’s true at the corner deli and in the bedroom.
Some would say that “having sex” and “making love” are one and the same, but
there’s an important distinction between the two. The physical act of
intercourse can be accomplished by any appropriately matched mammals, as well as
most other members of the animal kingdom. But the art of making love, as
designed by God, is a much more meaningful and complex experience—it’s physical,
emotional, and spiritual. In marriage we should settle for nothing less than a
sexual relationship that is expressed not only body-to-body, but heart to heart
and soul to soul.
As we discuss this subject in the days ahead, you and your partner may want
to ask each other: Is our physical intimacy all that it could be?
- James C Dobson
From Night Light For Couples, by Dr. James
& Shirley Dobson
Copyright © 2000 by James Dobson, Inc. All rights
reserved.
“A Gentle Caress” by Daphna Renan. Used by permission of the author. Daphna
Renan is a graduate of Yale College. She has published several short stories in
several anthologies. She can be contacted by e‐mail at
daphna.renan@yale.edu.
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